Friday, December 19, 2003

I Am One Out of 11.9 Million People Who Prefer Stupid Sluts to President Bush

I lied!

I am a liar!

More Simple Life news in today's CCHOD:

"Paris Hilton Bigger TV Draw Than Bush"
(taken from salon.com)

While this headline is admirable for its clever play on words, causing the reader to exclaim: Impossible! Was it shaved?, more importantly it is a comment inside the article which really boosted the headline up to winner status. I know PartyPooper Jesus will probably tell me that the contest should be renamed Corporate Casual Article of the Day, to make it semantically proper, but my command that he suck a D still stands, and will be reiterated every time he tries to poop on my party.

"Bush can console himself with the knowledge that he was more popular than a "Whoopi" rerun, which had 7.3 million people watching on NBC."

Leaving aside the infuriating fact that Whoopi has somehow not yet been cancelled, I think this is about as smarmy as the A.P. is allowed to get. Moreover, who were these 7.3 million people? My guess is that most of them were illegal immigrants who don't understand English, could only get one station to come in on their jerry-rigged coat-hanger antenna, and whose TVs' power buttons were broken so that they couldn't turn the TV off even if they wanted to, which they did, because Whoopi is the shittiest of shits.

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