Friday, January 09, 2004

Guilt

I am not sure why, but for some reason I feel guilty about not ever writing in this piece of shit online shit storm. As if I didn't have enough going on in my crappy life that I have to worry about what the on-line community (all seven of you, pimples and all. Hey, don't you think you should run to the fridge and get another grape Crush before reading the rest of this? Fatso!) thinks of me. But I also don't feel like I have it in me to write anything, mainly because I don't find anything funny except for the novelization of the film Waterworld which begins "It is rumored that long ago, before the world was covered in water, people lived in land villages called "cities," where there was plenty of "go-juice" for their "land boats" and "concrete rivers" bisecting the oceans of land on which these land boats traveled." **

See, that's funny. But that's about it. So, since I feel guilty in addition to always already feeling like totally shitty, I figured I would just put old crap that I had written when I was a youth into this journal. That way, all you faggots would shut up, and I could go back to watching E! Entertainment Television, whose celebrity profile on Katie Couric Tuesday night would have brought me to tears if I wasn't already crying.

Thus:

10 Haiku for Crispin Glover

Dude, you are so rad
Sometimes I think about you
Holding me in bed

There was that one scene
In Back To The Future one
It was pretty good

Tightly, fist clenched, you
well, not actually you,
but McFly, hit Biff.

That voice, ha ha ha
ha I really like it but
ha ha I love you.

You must have touched him
Keanu is no Crispin
I bet you touched him

In Twister so sweet
your hair like a big helmet
and those clothes, those clothes!

If you need a place
sometimes my roommate is dumb
you can have his room

You have new movies
I have not seen them, not yet
Fun is luxury

You in the photo
Crispin, your hands like devils
That totally rules.

If we were to meet
what words could we ever share?
Soup, nice, friend, soft, bye.

**Waterworld novelization glossary of terms:
"cities": cities
"go-juice": unleaded gasoline
"land boats": cars and trucks
"concrete rivers": roads

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