Wednesday, October 20, 2004

CCHCRC, Day 10, Everyone Is Watching!

At my work, on the Thursday before Halloween, there is going to be a costume contest in the cafeteria. I keep telling people in my department that I want to videotape it, but they always just ask me why and tell me that that is weird. No, what is weird is wearing a costume to work and competing in a costume contest in the cafeteria. That is fucking weird. Today at lunch someone said that every year they have worked here, it seems there are fewer and fewer participants. "All the better," I said, "because it's the real die hards who make the best footage."

Does she talk about her sex-change operation?, October 16, 2004
Reviewer: Black_Hole_Sun (Seattle, WA) - See all my reviews
In this new book, I give it 1 star because I was hoping to read about her sex-change operation that turned her into a woman. Still has a major Adam's apple, though

Halloween Costume #10:

Ann Coulter!

If you dress up as Ann Coulter for Halloween I will argue with you a lot, and then I will fuck you, and then I will feel weird.

The most historical book ever, October 17, 2004
Reviewer: Kirk Davis (Oslo) - See all my reviews
To say Ann Coulter is sharp is to suggest that at one end or the other she comes to a very fine point. It would be an appealing assertion to make, especially if you were talking about her head-end, because that would be hilarious. And awesome.

This book is THEMAN!?, October 16, 2004
Reviewer: THE MAN!? "JIMBO" (Fijay, USA) - See all my reviews
this book is poop. I dont no how to read, but i can gauruntee you that that if you read it, you will turn into a cucumber. Though it comes with a free coupon to Chucky Cheeses, the only thing in this book are words. She even spelled republican wrong, she is a silly box. DONT BUY THIS BOOK, save your money for 6 flags tickets, a burger king happy meal or gas money to reach your nearest wallmart supercenter.
THEMAN!? aka Jimbo the Grate

The Bright Light Knows No Pain: Monkey, Squirrel, Kiwi, October 12, 2004
Reviewer: Uncle Ned Owen "kotzebue" (Definitely) - See all my reviews
If this were not the book that it is, it would be a different book. Fortunately it provides everything you might think it would but then you have the answer to your question. It is the answer that drives us. Seek and ye shall find, or if not, then wander in darkness, mumbling to yourself "why me, why me, why me, oh monkey, squirrel, kiwi."

Ann "Iggy" Coulter: A Biographical Sketch of Triumph, October 10, 2004
Reviewer: Stewart Hockenberry (PA United States) - See all my reviews
Ann Coulter's "How to Talk to a Liberal" heralds a triumphant return of a true prophet of our times. Her most recent work is a renewed call to arms for fighting liberalism wherever it lurks. For those of us who have devotedly followed her journey from the very beginning, there is a shared sense of pride that is engendered as we find her craft now burgeoning into a mature, finely-honed thesis of uncompromising moral fortitude. No, Ann has not lost her edge nor her ability to incite the ire of decadent liberal reprobates-quite the contrary-but my how far she has come since her wild and wooly days as a peerless provocateur.

Of course I'm referring to Ann's previous career-indeed her previous life--when she was still a "he" fronting the proto-punk band, the Stooges, under the name of Iggy Pop. Who could have guessed then from some of her earlier anthems like "Penetration," "I Wanna be Your Dog," "Loose," "Rich Bitch," and "Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell," that Iggy had a hidden feminine side imbued with fierce nationalistic zealotry (perhaps there are early clues in "his" song "Ann" from the Stooges first album)? It was not until later during his faltering solo career that Iggy released "I'm a Conservative," the song that served as the blueprint for his later idealized life as a woman diving into the mosh pit of right-wing revolution:

"I smile in the mornings
I live without a care
Nothing is denied me
And nothing ever hurts
I got bored so I'm making my millions
When you're conservative you get a better break
You're always on the right side
When you're conservative
You walk with pride
Pride is on your side
And it would mean so much to me
If you could only be like me"

That was all long long ago now. Since then-the subsequent drug rehabs, methadone clinics, the sex change operation in Denmark, and the years of hormone treatment and exfoliations-Iggy has metamorphosized into Ann. Now closing in on 60 and having survived years of heroin addiction and unprotected poly-sexual debauchery, Ann is still ambulatory, verbal, and radiant as ever. Seasons change but the spirit remains. Only in America can one so totally re-invent oneself-although her simple, powerful message of domination in master-slave relationships rings true now more than ever. There is no doubt that underneath her snappy power suits and gaudy jeweled accessories still lies a rippled torso with stainless steel nipple rings.


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