Tuesday, October 19, 2004

SSADS (Sudden Seasonal Affective Disorder Syndrome)

I want to talk about flu vaccine.

Every year, some guys who probably drink too much coffee, and one lady, who gets a lot of demure obsequiousnesss from the guys who then talk about her rack when she goes to the bathroom, get together in a room where smoking is not allowed and decide which strain of influenza they think is going to be the dominant strain this winter. Then they get some chicken eggs or some shit and grow that virus in the eggs and then it is called flu vaccine and they put it in your body and your body kills it and then if your body sees that virus again during the winter it is like, "Oh, you're back for more, here is my t-cell fist in your "face"!". Basically. But, many years the guys and the one lady are wrong, and everyone gets these shots and then gets a different strain of the flu anyway, and they come to work so that they can save their sick day for going to Six Flags or something retarded and everyone gets sick and our economy suffers but no one is really paying attention because they are "sad" and "depressed" because it is "dark in the morning when [they] wake up."

You don't need flu vaccine. I know for a fact that neither babies nor the elderly are a fan of reading my internet diary, so it goes without saying that most of you are shiftless twenty-somethings who really need to get your shit together and start thinking about what it would actually be like to be a shiftless thirty-something. And don't give me any of this bullshit about how you don't subscribe to the social demands of bourgeois mores. Fuck you. Get a job, you fucking hippies. Get a job, but do not get flu vaccine. I remember in the early 90's, right before Japan's economy hit the shitter big time, how there was all this talk about how the Asian economic powerhouse viewed us as a nation of crybabies, and then their technology bubble-economy burst, along with a bubble-burst in the housing market, and so who's the crybaby now, Ching Chong Chang? But seriously, we are a bunch of crybabies, as evidenced by the fact that everyone loses their shit as soon as the corner store is out of Mountain Dew Code Black or whatever, or when a fucking vaccine that might not even prevent a disease that isn't even that dangerous to get, a vaccine that you have never gotten before because you didn't want to pay the fifteen bucks and you've never gotten the flu except maybe once when you were a kid but you don't remember anything about it except that you got to stay home from school and watch fucking Pinwheel for three days, is not going to be available.

Fuck. I am so going to get the worst case of flu now.
Thanks a lot, God.


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