Tuesday, November 09, 2004

I'm Lovin' It!

I'm not really sure why, but amazon.com has this movie on its webpage that you can watch and it has Minnie Driver in it and it doesn't seem to have anything to do with buying books or movies or loofas or anything, but it addresses one of my favorite movie themes: ugly people turning beautiful for no reason other than that they are nice. Basically, much like Shallow Hal, this short movie has a really fat lady working with a bunch of bitchy pretty ladies and she's really sad because she tries so hard to be nice but everyone is mean to her, and then one day she gets a Glamour Shot that is supposed to "reveal her true inner beauty" and the next day she wakes up super hot and becomes very successful. If you remember Shallow Hal, said Hal only likes to date hot chicks, and then one day Tony Robbins puts a spell on him that makes him see people's inner beauty and he ends up falling in love with a fat chick because she's so pretty on the inside. In reality, of course, he falls in love with a hot chick, not a fat chick, because he doesn't know she's fat and he probably wouldn't have fallen in love with her unless she was Gwyneth Paltrow with the personality of a meek but kind fat chick. In the end, when it is revealed that she is fat, it's just too late for Hal, he's already in love with her, so he's sort of like "I guess I don't care that you're super fat, I love you for who you are, just like I loved all those kids in the Burn Unit that I didn't realize were burned because the spell made me see them as the most beautiful little normal kids ever and I kind of wondered why they were in the hospital because they were just so charming and cute, but they were burned, I realized later, and that made me a little sad."

The reason that I like this theme is that while I understand its intention, i.e. showing people that it's your character that counts, not the social constructs of physical beauty, they always end up getting it totally backwards. Like, the fat chick on amazon.com isn't really happy until she turns into a physically beautiful chick, and she only ends up being successful when she's super hot, so it doesn't really matter what her character was like back when she was fat because she still ended up miserable and in a shitty subservient job. Likewise all the stuff I just said about Shallow Hal, which really missed its moral objective by the kind of berth that makes The Nutty Professor so ha-ha-hilarious. It's also offensive to me that it is assumed that fat people or burn victims always have hearts of gold. Seriously. Fat people and burn victims deserve to be represented by the same panoply of emotional corruption and dessicated soullessness that the rest of us know to be our true selves.

Don't be so sad, though, fat chicks. Just because no one will truly love you for who you are unless they have been put under a spell by Tony Robbins in an elevator and think that the black you feel on the inside is the black you wear on the outside, there is always delicious chocolate!


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