Thursday, December 09, 2004

Good Morning, I Am Gross

The Babysitters' Club downstairs has this little German weiner dog that apparently shits all over the yard without ever being asked to clean up after himself because today I got to work and found shit all over the bottom of my shoe, and I only wear these shoes between my house and the car and between the car and work. Granted, I put them on in my room this morning, where all of my secrets are kept out in the open, but none of my secrets have anything to do with dogs or shit or dog's shit. Anyhow, I've just been wiping the dog shit into the carpets all around the office, and people keep checking their shoes, and I'm like "ha ha made you look!"

This is a disgusting post that basically says that Worker #3116 stepped in dog shit this morning and was embarrassed.

It's really the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of the world, though. As Clown Coffee would say, "this is worse than Hitler," because I'm really just obsessed with whether or not anyone can tell. I went outside and tried to clean my shoe, and did a pretty decent job, but not perfect, no one is perfect, and I would like to go outside again but I can't keep walking through the lobby and acting like I forgot something in my car. I'm just pulverized by this new thing. And I am going to fucking kill that dog the next time that I see it. The Babysitters' Club is always doing asshole stuff, like parking in my spot and not taking out their trash, which, in case you don't know what babysitters do, IS FULL OF DIAPERS. Sometimes raccoons get into the trash, though, and they eat some of the diapers and leave the rest strewn all over the street, and I just wait, knowing that one day the Babysitters' Club babysitters are going to get there and think, "God damn it, the god damn raccoons got into the diapers again!"

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