Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Why I Am Not A Famous Children's Author

Four best friends leave home to go camping in the woods. While they are there, they discover a dead body. Later, the police explain to them that it is a whore who got murdered and dumped in the creek where they were fishing. One of the boys eventually grows up to own his very own whore, a dream he'd held ever since that camping trip so long ago.

A boil on a fat man's back just keeps getting worse and worse. The boil has no friends, and he thinks it's because he's so big, not realizing that getting big and painful is just what boils do. And, of course, that boils are inherently friendless.

In a magical land where unicorns and fairies and stuff like that live, a young wizard is surprised to discover that his only talent is making anyone, including himself, instantaneously orgasm. At the young age that he discovers this spell, he does not quite understand its true power. But eventually, when he grows older, he does, and that is when he stops leaving the house. His mother constantly nags him to get a real wizarding job, but she is not a wizard herself, and so does not understand his gift. The wizard, who is so slovenly, always tells her that she has no idea what she is talking about. Finally, exasperated, she screams "So show me!" and that's when things really start to get weird.

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