Wednesday, July 20, 2005

The Real World Is Boring, and I LOVE That About It

I remember predicting to McCullen that this was going to be a particularly "racy" and "dull" season of Realer World: Texplosin! because the roommates were going to be so bored. I'm being proven right on a weekly basis. You can just tell that Austin is one of the most boring cities ever, and it doesn't help living in a windowless warehouse painted in garish dayglo colors. If I were one of the cast members, I think I would ask to have my contract torn up, or to be held over until the next season of Roadest Rules. Even living in an RV with preening, self-important emotional retards would be better than their current set-up, with its wall-to-wall carpeting, dessicated social/cultural life, and potential for bodily injury (see: Eye-Face). They don't even have a dining-room table.

We are about four weeks in and all that happened last night was Hemp Shell and Brick Brain (the blond frat-boy about whom Eye-Face gushed, "He's your typical frat guy, and I LOVE that about him") got as many phone numbers as they could every night that they went out, put them in a drawer in the kitchen that they cleverly named "the Groupie Drawer," and then unsuccessfully tried to get laid with a bevvy of women who were much more interested in the prospect of seeing themselves on MTV than catching the !CLAP! from a couple of dudes whose idea of courtship is jointly pitching in on a Polaroid camera so they can remember whose face goes with which number. Color Austin unimpressed.

The tangential story line was about Iraqi Jane, who tried to sleep with this bouncer, but when it turned out he had a girlfriend she made a disparaging comment about the size of his penis, and went home to call her boyfriend. I've realized in the past two RW seasons that I'd be very interested in watching a show called The Real World Watches the Real World in which cameras tape the reactions of cast members' loved ones as they see the debauched and ultimately offensive behavior that their friends/children/lovers performed for a national audience with what seems to be zero self-awareness. You cannot get a bigger voyeuristic thrill than watching a boyfriend reliving a phone conversation that he took to be a loving gesture of solitary loneliness and affectionate attachment on the part of his girlfriend, only to discover that in reality it was a self-pitying attempt to make up for the stunning rejection of being told "no fucky for you tonight" by a dude she'd known for a week and a half.

Wow, MTV. The Real World is almost as boring as the real world.


Anonymous oktiger said...

the golden age of television.

this comment is related to that link which i decided to look at for the first time this morning.

i was almost late to work today because i absolutely just had to find out who stayed together and who broke up when the temptation became too much.

i learned that apparently honduras is a very sexy place.

12:33 PM  

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