Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Retard Training Camp

Yesterday, I walk into the locker room and there is a man sitting on a bench, legs crossed, calmly reading a book, WITH NO CLOTHES ON HIS BODY. He was still in pretty much the same spot (and definitely in the same state of undress) when I had finished changing and left, but I think maybe he scooted over a little to let someone get to their locker. I'm still at a loss to imagine what was going on in his mind..."Sure is nice to just have some peace and quiet to get through Harry Potter and the Mulatto Prince. Just me, a good book, and the warming breeze of the automatic hands dryer that the totally aghast guy in the spandex bike shorts is using to dry his hair." When I told McCullen about this man he suggested that maybe he was waiting for someone...to do what, come dress him?

Two other people I have seen at the gym in the past week:

1. A guy wearing a shirt that said "I Only Drink Beer on Days That End in 'Y'" going into a step-aerobics class.

2. A morbidly obese forty-year old walking slow circles around the track in a "Vote for Pedro" tee-shirt.

Have you guessed what's so special about my gym yet? I'll give you one final clue: the parking lot is filled with short-busses, and everyone likes to wear their Special Olympics medals while they "make their muscles get big I like soup."

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