Friday, July 01, 2005

Skill Set

I realized this morning that I have been driving longer than I have been doing almost anything else. It is, in many respects, my most practiced skill. Considering that I will never drive professionally, this seems like a tremendous waste of my time and effort. Imagine if I had put all of the time I've spent behind the wheel towards learning something more practical, like sword-fighting or the fine art of the pastry chef. Maybe my life wouldn't BE SO SUCK.

Anyhow, imagine that you turn on the World Series between the Red Sox and the Yankees, which is on a time delay, and right before the game is to begin the announcer says "Wow, the Red Sox totally won that amazing game!" That's what it was like watching Arturo "Thunder" Gatti V. "Pretty Boy" Floyd Mayweather last night. McCullen and I sat slack-jawed on the couch as the announcers described how Mayweather demolished Gatti over the course of six rounds (of what was to be a 12 round fight) BEFORE THE FIGHT STARTED. The only consolation was that a) I expected Mayweather to win anyway, his fists are like lightning before the Thunder (get it?), and b) as soon as the fight started it was totally obvious who was going to win. At the end, Larry Merchant, one of the fight commentators, gets to enter the ring and show everyone how he can still kind of ask questions even when he's totally trashed.

"Misterrrrrrr Gattti. Ahem. (Cough). You said before fight, the fight, that youuuuuuuu wanted to, is this, hi, that you wanted to see how good you were. Howgoodareyoudoyouthinknow? (BIG SHIT EATING GRIN, LAUGHTER). You're not gay. Just kiss me. You're not gay. I'd die here on this couch with you."


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