Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Donny Deutsch and the Search for the Great Middle

When I sat down at my desk this morning, the stupid temp next to me was endlessly blathering about his weekend to Donny Deutsch. He did not want to leave one single detail out. I came in media res, but here's a taste of the fascination that is his story:

Dumb Temp: ...so sleeping was a little bit hard, but I'm really glad I went. I had more fun than I thought I was going to have. One nice thing was, like, the namebook, someone got everyone's name and email and phone number and gathered them all and put them in the namebook so that you didn't have to go up to everyone and get their phone number and email, it was already in one place. So that was really nice, and well done. I saw a lot of people I wanted to see. Well, some people I was disappointed that they didn't make it, but a lot of people made it. Two of my classmates, actually, are in Iraq now. Well, one of them...I mean, I guess I wasn't really surprised that he was there, but the other one...he used to always get high in school and stuff. He always acted really sleepy. I hope they didn't put him anywhere...

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Of course, leave it to Donny Deutsch to feed the flames.

Donny Deutsch: How many kids were in your class?
Dumb Temp: About 190.
Donny Deutsch: That's a big class!
Dumb Temp: Y'know, a lot of people I know had, like, 200 and something in their classes, so when I tell them I had 190 they're like, "That's a small class," and I'm like, "I don't know, I thought it was an okay size."

Seriously, my brain is hemorrhaging. To put things in perspective, though, this is the same Donny Deutsch who can instill mediocrity in everything she touches. Example:

[A Monday Morning]

Donny Deutsch: Glad to be back?
Worker #3116: You know what, Donny Deutsch, you ask that question every single Monday, and my answer is always the same: Yeah, I'm really glad to be back.
Donny Deutsch: I'm sorry, I didn't realize I repeated myself so much.
Worker #3116: No, it's fine, because it's a really great question, and I love answering it.

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