Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Good Charlotte, Bad Idea

Sorry to break it to you, but athletic wristbands as fashion statement are now officially out. You might be surprised to learn why...

I remember in sophomore year of college when we were playing all that raquetball and you could buy wristbands at the equipment desk. I started wearing one every day and people were like "What's the deal, Worker #3116, you got a big game today?" They were teasing, but my response was always the same: "The biggest!"

Anyhow, it was only a couple years later that you started seeing the resurgence of the athletic wristband as fashion statement. I'm sure I saw a couple in the basement of the Pirate House or something, and soon enough Avril was wearing them, and Good Charlotte, Green Day, and all my other favorite bands. They sold them at Urban Outfitters and Hot Topic and people on VH1 sported them. Bad sign for the athletic wristband as fashion statement.

Guess what, though: that isn't why they're out!

This morning I went to the grocery store and bought an orange and it cost me fucking $1.41 because it's from Madagascar or something. More like Ripoffagascar! Ha ha. Anyway, on the way in to get fleeced for my orange, I passed by those novelty machines that give you toys in eggs, and one of them sold ATHLETIC WRISTBANDS. See what I mean? They're fucking out*, dudes.

I reserve the right to wear an athletic wristband, both at the gym and as a fashion accessory. Just because I monitor what is and what is no longer cool does not mean I am obliged to live by the same sage advice I expect you to follow. What I'm saying is if you see me in an athletic wristband don't throw this diary back in my face. Things will end badly for you. Change "badly" to "bloody" for mental image.


Anonymous trevor said...

let me share with you a quick story, if i might, to offer an alternate point of view, though by no means contradictory. on sunday i had to do laundry and it was like 95 and humid as god's crotch. the laundromat is not A/C'd, and i'm bald, so that means rivers of sweat dripping into my eyes.

those racquetball games back in 97 were indeed "the biggest" and we were the avant-savviest for buying and wearing university-issued wristbands, because they were a dollar and we were geniuses.

but today i am a bald man wiping his sweaty forehead with his wrist, and that same wristband makes me a johnny-come-lately fashion victim, yet highly practical. just like some gay dad.

3:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i know you recently bought some wristbands from urban. i saw the opened package outside your room, and the same package by the desk in urban when i was buying pants. just saying*

*not throwing in face, since you weren't actually wearing them. they were just there.

8:49 PM  

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