Monday, August 15, 2005

Prankers: Call Deborah #3116! Talk About Snipes!

Last week, Deborah #3116 called Mom and Herb #3116's house looking for me. Deborah #3116, of course, is ex-step-mom #3116 who, after she and Deadbeat Père separated, became a born-again Christian and eventually remarried to an ex-Marine.

One time, after our relationship had pretty much fallen apart, i.e. after her baptism to which I was a spectator and at which the reverend gave a sermon that said I would go to hell if I didn't accept Jesus into my heart, she wanted to take me out to dinner and a movie. I really wanted to see Pulp Fiction, but she said it was too violent. So we went to see:

Jailbreak... at 38,000 feet! U.S. Marshal Pete Nessip's prisoner parachutes out of a 747 and floats safely into the night with his daring, deadly cohorts. Nessip does his best to stop the bold escape. What does he get in return? Suspended. But being off the force doesn't mean Nessip is out of action. When it comes to stopping killers, he's taking the plunge.

Even if you set aside the fact that this was an action movie starring Wesley Snipes, and therefore would undoubtedly have some kind of egregious fight scene that ended when the bad guy had a splintered keyboard shoved into their eye and then the computer would be turned on and electrocute the bad guy, it had fucking GARY BUSEY in it, which is unforgivable violence against the senses.

Needless to say, that was the last time we went to a movie.

Point being, she called last weekend trying to find me, but we were in Palm Springs, so the jackass who was watching Mom and Herb #3116's house got the number wrong. So, yesterday, I finally decided to try calling Deborah #3116 back, and when a non-descript answering machine picked up I went into this whole "Hey, Deborah, it's Worker #3116, my mom said you called last week. Anyway, things are going pretty well..." and then someone picked up all flustered and told me it was a wrong number.


Just call 301.681.8886. Remember: you haven't seen her in over ten years. Also: tell the Wesley Snipes anecdote.

Seriously, do this. Let's drive Stranger #3016818886 so crazy!


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