Friday, September 16, 2005

The Boy Who Cried Wolf but Was Ignored by You Faggots

There once was a shepherd boy who was bored as he sat on the hillside watching the village sheep. To amuse himself he took a great breath and sang out, "Wolf! Wolf! The Wolf is chasing the sheep!"

The villagers came running up the hill to help the boy drive the wolf away. But when they arrived at the top of the hill, they found no wolf. The boy laughed at the sight of their angry faces.

"Don't cry 'wolf', shepherd boy," said the villagers, "when there's no wolf!" They went grumbling back down the hill.

Later, the boy sang out again, "Wolf! Wolf! The wolf is chasing the sheep!" To his naughty delight, he watched the villagers run up the hill to help him drive the wolf away.

When the villagers saw no wolf they sternly said, "Save your frightened song for when there is really something wrong! Don't cry 'wolf' when there is NO wolf!"

But the boy just grinned and watched them go grumbling down the hill once more.

Later, he saw a REAL wolf prowling about his flock. Alarmed, he leaped to his feet and sang out as loudly as he could, "Wolf! Wolf!"

But the villagers thought he was trying to fool them again, and so they didn't come.

At sunset, everyone wondered why the shepherd boy hadn't returned to the village with their sheep. They went up the hill to find the boy. They found him weeping.

"There really was a wolf here! The flock has scattered! I cried out, "Wolf!" Why didn't you come?"

An old man tried to comfort the boy as they walked back to the village.

"We'll help you look for the lost sheep in the morning," he said, putting his arm around the youth, "Nobody believes a liar...even when he is telling the truth!"

The shepherd boy brushed the old man's wrinkled hand from his shoulder. "Find them your fucking self," he spat. "They're your sheep."

The old man was taken aback by the fire in the shepherd boy's eyes, and the rancor in his tone. "But you are the one who is responsible for their disappearance. You must help me find them."

At this, the shepherd boy had to laugh. "If it weren't for me, the sheep would be dead, you old cocksucker. When I cried "Wolf!", it scared the wolf and he ran away. Granted, not before scaring the sheep, but you're lucky they're just scared and not all chewed up and turned into wolf shit. They scattered because you pussies were all churning butter and blowing glass vases and shit. What's with all the vases, anyway? Fucking vases. Always vases. You know, this whole fucking town owes me a motherfucking debt of gratitude."

"But you lied," the old man sputtered, growing angry.


At this, the old man fell silent, and they walked in silence, a few paces apart, all of the rest of the way back to the village.


Anonymous Jason Jones said...

Does it make you feel like a man to use the word faggot?
You and Wes Anderson.

6:07 PM  
Blogger Worker #3116 said...

Mostly it's just to reinforce my heterosexuality.

It's my Katie Holmes.

7:53 PM  

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