Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Hello, Mars, I Am the Giant Squid...from the Ocean!

A long time ago, China Jet and I were at the zoo. We were in the Fish House when we stumbled upon a display about the elusive Giant Squid (or Architeuthis, the Greek name for "ruling" or "chief" squid). Both of us were held completely captive by descriptions of eyes as large as dinner plates, and the murky mystery of an ancient creature that had never been caught or photographed.

Worker #3116: Did you read this, China Jet? It says that the Giant Squid has never been caught or photographed!
China Jet: That's crazy.
Worker #3116: You know what this means.
China Jet: What does it mean?
Worker #3116: That I must dedicate my life to capturing the Giant Squid.
China Jet: What would you do with it if you caught it?
Worker #3116: ...
China Jet: ...
Worker #3116: I would send it to space.

I am very happy to announce that I am one step closer to realizing my destiny!

"But Worker #3116," you say, "doesn't it bother you that Japanese scientists are beating you towards your life goal? And I have a follow-up question: how realistic do you think it is to imagine yourself capturing the Giant Squid when you have almost no interest, and certainly no professional or educational background, in the biological sciences?"

FUCKERS: what did I just finish explaining to you in that overly-long Real World rant? Like with women, the best strategy is to let someone else do all the work, and then wait around to pick up the sobbing, intoxicated pieces. That is how you score, with women, and with the Giant Squid.

DO YOU HEAR THAT, SPACE? GET READY TO WELCOME THE GIANT SQUID INTO YOUR INKY DEPTHS!

3 Comments:

Anonymous mccullen said...

more like, 'worker 3116, get ready to welcome mccullen into your inky depths.' i'm having feelings, see?

8:37 PM  
Blogger Worker #3116 said...

WHAT?

Are you trying to FUCK me?

9:10 PM  
Anonymous DOOTHY said...

did you ever see the show "fishing with john?" (if not, you should rent from netflix.) they have an episode where they search for the elusive giant squid in thailand with dennis hopper. actually, that one is my least favorite one.

9:52 AM  

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