Thursday, September 22, 2005

Hurricane Katrina Is Responsible for My Car Failure

Shortly after the tragic events of 9/11, when I worked in a big building in Times Square, one of my co-workers, Sh'arquanda, was having trouble with her computer. An IT guy gave her a new one, but when she turned the computer on, it was making a ticking sound. She literally "freaked the fuck out". Literally. The fuck was all freaked out of her by the time she was done. Anyway, she would not sit at her desk, and she refused to use her computer. She called IT and demanded that they bring her another new one. Why? Because obviously, a terrorist had snuck into our company's IT department, installed an explosive device in a dormant computer, and waited for some shitty, obnoxious assistant to turn it on and BOOM! How quickly the infidels would fall!

I always thought this was hilarious, and any remaining shred of respect I still might have had for Sh'arquanda after all of her incessant bitching and whining and nail filing was certainly gone that day. Fools: I do not suffer you gladly. Nuyoricans: double.

But I was thinking that it would be funny to have similar overly dramatic, super exaggerated, embarrassingly self-absorbed freak-outs about the crisis of the day. Like, I want to come into work and turn on my desk lamp and have the lightbulb burn out and start screaming some paranoid shit about avian bird flu.


Blogger CosmicMojo said...

"embarrassingly self-absorbed freak-outs about the crisis of the day"

WORKER #3316, it is like you read my mind.

I worked with a self-absorbed drama queen who'd manage to make every crisis ABOUT HER. Just like Sha'nequa, exactly like her. Only she was a 60 year old southern cracker named Lilly May, but otherwise exactly the same. It's like you were reading my mind.

3:54 PM  

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