Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Interviews

Objective: To Receive a Position as Worker #3116's Friend

Brady: I kind of panic a lot.
Worker #3116: That's fine, as long as you don't interrupt my show. People who panic when I'm watching my show, I'm like, HEY! a) Get out of here, b) Go to the hospital and get cured, and c) Don't come back from the hospital until my show is over, because I don't want to risk you ruining it again. It will make me resent you, and I don't want to resent you.
Brady: You wouldn't even drive me to the hospital?
Worker #3116: MY SHOW IS ON!
Brady: You wouldn't pick me up from the hospital?
Worker #3116: Take a cab. It's five bucks. If you need to borrow five bucks, I'll give it to you, but I will expect you to pay me back in a timely manner.

Status: Pending

***

Objective: To Receive a Position as Brady's Friend

Brady: You don't even know where I live.
Worker #3116: No.
Brady: What would you do if I was in trouble and needed help?
Worker #3116: ...
Brady: You're the only one who can help me.
Worker #3116: I would call the police. They can contact your cell-phone company and have your phone GPS'ed.
Brady: There's no police. The power is out at the police station. But your phone still works.
Worker #3116: Okay, so it's Armageddon, but my cell-phone works. I guess I would call Cold War on Wheels. Oh wait, I don't have his number. I would friendster message Cold War on Wheels.
Brady: You would friendster-message him?
Worker #3116: Yes. He would then help you.
Brady: He friendster-messages you back and says that he doesn't know where I live either and his house is on fire and he can't help me.
Worker #3116: I would friendster-message him back and tell him that that is unacceptable.
Brady: You could call Erica or Saturday Looks Good to Me.
Worker #3116: I could call Saturday Looks Good to Me but he'd be on tour, he would not be able to help you.
Brady: Erica is the best person to call.
Worker #3116: Why can't Cold War on Wheels call her? I DON'T HAVE HER NUMBER.
Brady: You should have asked him that in your friendster-message.
Worker #3116: To be honest, he really should offer that information. You are in trouble, here, so if he cannot help he should at least direct me to someone who can.
Brady: This is concerning me, your inability to help me.
Worker #3116: Well, I guess, ultimately, I will just have to make peace with the fact that I did everything in my power to help you, even if I failed. I will know that you are in a better place. Heaven.

Status: Pending

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