Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Mind Foreplay

I did a pretty good job all through last year avoiding spoilers for the second season of FOX's hit drama, The O.C., but it was basically impossible not to find out that this was going to be the most lesbionic season yet. I've still managed to remain blessedly innocent of the details of this moral outrage—where are my fellow Christian Coalitionites to place blame for Hurricane Katrina firmly where it belongs: on the willowy shoulders of Mischa #3116?—and even now I have not seen the famed episode. I'm nine balls deep into season two, and I think "the kiss" happens ten balls deep.

What NO ONE told me was that season two would contain the most unbelievable facial expression on any show ever. It was performed by Mischa #3116, and anyone who has seen this season knows the face I am talking about, and brava to you for not letting out the secret. If I had to put this face into words, it would sound like this: "Dude, I'm totally about to become a gay lesbian." Actually, this episode had a whole facial dialogue going on:

Alex's Mouth: Are you cold?
Marissa's Mouth: Yes.
Alex's Face: Do you like when I put this blanket over your supple teenage body?
Marissa's Face: I don't know. This is weird.
Alex's Face: Feel the piercing stare of my gay lesbian eyes. Gay eyes DETONATE!
Marissa's Face: Dude, I'm totally about to become a gay lesbian!
Alex's Face: Tonight? No, forget it, you're not ready.
Marissa's Face: I am not ready. Maybe next episode.
Alex's Face: I'm not looking at you, but I know you are looking at me. You are about to be so lesbian.
Marissa's Face: I hope you don't know that I am looking at you. I am so confused by my new, totally unrealistic gay lesbian attraction to you. I am nervous.


Anonymous Slammin' Milner said...

I am also season 2 (first half) for the first time. I enjoy Marissa eyeroll/snide comments to mommy. Teenagers are such bummers!


Look at the menu on the first disc. Go to Special Features.

The only special feature is a blurred image of her tits.

5:26 PM  

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