Friday, September 23, 2005

The Mompany I Keep

[At a nearby table, a child screams and throws a plate on the floor.]

Mom #3116: I could never have brought you here when you were that age.
Worker #3116: You can barely bring me here now.
Mom #3116: Oh, you've gotten a lot better.
Worker #3116: It's true.
Mom #3116: Fewer tantrums.
Worker #3116: I can hardly remember the last time I threw a tantrum.
Mom #3116: No...but I can remember some of the big ones very well.
Worker #3116: I'm sure you can.
Mom #3116: Like when you were five—
Worker #3116: —I'm still mad at you about that.
Mom #3116: You were very upset.
Worker #3116: I'm telling you, I'm still upset.
Mom #3116: It was funny.
Worker #3116: No, it was not funny, you were a jerk.
Mom #3116: Ha ha.
Worker #3116: You were being a bad mom.
Mom #3116: ...
Worker #3116: It was very simple: I needed five dollars. You had five dollars. So why wouldn't you give it to me?
Mom #3116: You were very upset.
Worker #3116: If you needed five dollars, I'd give it to you.
Mom #3116: Ha ha.
Worker #3116: It's true. Because I love you.
Mom #3116: Ha ha.
Worker #3116: God, you were such a jerk.

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