Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Ryan Cabrera Would Never Have Allowed This

I saw the new Ashlee Simpson video this morning, and I think I can sum up the plot easiest by putting it into bullet-point format:

· Ashlee is on the run from the cops because she loves to rock.
· Just in time, Ashlee manages to hide from the cops by pulling her Corvair into an abandoned lot where her friends were waiting with Wyle E. Coyote-style decoys that make the entrance to the lot look like a dead end with dumpsters. Think Hook meets Mad Max...like, dirty litle funtime mischief makers.
· Ashlee realizes that now that the cops are gone, it's the perfect time to have a warehouse rock concert.
· While there are a few fans already waiting to rock, word quickly gets out and soon restaurants and laundromats and classrooms are emptying out. People are literally RUNNING to get to the "underground" Ashlee Simpson concert that is happening in the middle of the day.
· Fully-formed, well-dressed, apparently sane adults are RUNNING to get to the Ashlee Simpson concert. One of them is at a restaurant when he hears the news, and makes sure to grab his egg sandwich for the road.
· The cops are angry at having been eluded by Wyle E. Simpson, and begin to arrest the fans who are RUNNING to her show. They would rather arrest Ashlee, one must assume, but they cannot follow them to the concert and arrest Ashlee herself. It is too underground. So they arrest the fans. In this unnamed town, RUNNING to a shitty warehouse concert is ILLEGAL. This makes me feel like FUCK THE COPS!
· A total rebel who also feels like FUCK THE COPS jumps over a cop car with his BMX bike to get to the Ashlee Simpson concert. This flusters the cops. Eventually he will leave his BMX bike on the ground, unlocked and unattended. Such is the power of this seriously horrible song.
· When the rock concert ends, there is, mysteriously, no one left in the warehouse except for this weird fat dude who looks like the guy on the threadless.com website. You know, the fat one with glasses that makes you think, "that shirt design is okay, but it better not make me look like that." Ashlee jumps into this beast's arms, and he carries her...to safety?

Isn't it perfect? Do you love it?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love it.

-brother #3116

4:15 PM  

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