Wednesday, October 26, 2005

My Morning Cipher

Last night's Red Hot Chili Peppers show was a lot like a Red Hot Chili Peppers album. When we got there I was like "This is the best thing ever. Okay. A little less interested. Less interested. Less interested. Kind of bored. Give It Away!" It got to the point where it just became a test of wills between me and Anthony Kiedis. I was not going to leave until they played Give It Away, and they were not going to play Give It Away until the very end.

Can I say that the Red Hot Chili Peppers smell? You can tell even from the back of the Megadome. LOVE YOU GUYS! HUGS!

Here are the famous people I saw last night:

Bo Bice
Paul Giamatti
Samuel L. Jackson

Samuel L. Jackson, backward Kangol hat and everything, was just there with these two harlots that he wanted to have a three-way with. At first, while the harlots were dancing together the way that harlots always seem to do, I was like "What are these harlots even doing here? Take them home, Samuel L. Jackson." But then they knew all the words to Give It Away and I had to begrudgingly admit that they were true Red Hot Chili Peppers fans, with just as much right to be there as anybody.

I went to the show with an old guy from my karate class. I hesitate to even write this because he's nice, but it was like DUDE! SHUT UP! for most of the night. He lives in a Dude Duplex with some other Dudes. He gave me a tour of the place, which started out badly enough when I walked in and there was a bag of Coor's Lite BIG MOUTH bottle caps by the door and that poster of Raymond from Everybody Loves Raymond that looks like a magic eye painting hanging on the wall. When we were in the car there was a silence and then he said "My jaw still hurts from that gum I chewed last night." SILENCE. At the show, during a rousing rendition of Higher Ground he turned to me and was like "This is on the Must Love Dogs soundtrack!" And then, later, during a quiet, soulful exploration of Breaking the Girl he turned to me and said "THIS IS A PRETTY QUIET SONG." Most of the time he was just trying to impress me with his "jokes." I feel bad, mostly for myself at having had to live through this, but also for people like this guy, because I know he is trying. And I want to warn him before he gets into my car: look, I am the toughest crowd on Earth, this is probably not going to go well for you.

On the way home he told me he was really into Moby's Play because "I really dig the old school samples with the modern beats." Perrr Worker #3116. Perrr, perrr Worker #3116.

Decoder:
Red Hot Chili Peppers = My Morning Jacket
Give It Away = Mahgeetah
Anthony Kiedis = Jim James
Megadome = smaller venue
Bo Bice = guy who looked like Bo Bice
Paul Giamatti = guy who looked like Paul Giamatti
Samuel L. Jackson = guy who looked like Samuel L. Jackson
an old guy = a 23 year-old guy
karate class = my work
Raymond = Kramer
Everybody Loves Raymond = Seinfeld
magic eye painting = classically trained portraiture
Higher Ground = Where to Begin
Must Love Dogs = Elizabethtown
Breaking the Girl = Dondante

2 Comments:

Blogger s. badazz said...

he was really great in million dollar siderayviator.

11:32 AM  
Blogger Worker #3116 said...

i guess. i preferred him in dances with the silence of the never cry wolves.

11:45 AM  

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