Friday, October 14, 2005

The Today Sucks

This morning I woke up later than usual and ate my breakfast not to my regular diet of hip hop music videos (which, have you seen the new Missy? It is the Timbaland-produced response to Terry Schiavo) but to the Today show.

I used to watch the Today show every morning, and it is always interesting for me to return to the oligarchy of mediocrity. All I saw this morning was the couple that had been wed by the show, all expenses paid. They were talking about their honeymoon in the Maldives. Katie "The Age of Androids Is Upon Us" Couric and Matt "I, Too, Once Had Dreams" Lauer were asking them questions like "I bet it was beautiful." At the end of the segment Al "I'm What Self-Loathing And a Lack of Interest in Culture and Education Reduces You To" Roker said something to the effect of "stay cool, you crazy cats," before doing a segment on the weather.

Then there was also the panning shot of the people outside with their dayglo signs and their screaming, uncommonly punchable faces. Looking at them is like looking at a schoolbus full of retarded kids. You're not sure whether to hug them as hard as you can, or put them out of their misery. "Yes, you're on TV! I know! Shhhh, it's okay. Here, play with my keys."

I'm just going to say it: watching the Today show causes dumb-cancer.

7 Comments:

Blogger Winters said...

Than donĀ“t watch it!!!

9:58 AM  
Anonymous DOOTHY said...

in australia, the today show was one of the few american shows broadcast besides friends. they only had 3 channels there ... and they would show the today show live. which meant it was on at night. and my friends there would turn it on when i was over and constantly ask me to hold up a sign for them and scream when i returned to the US.

10:03 AM  
Blogger Worker #3116 said...

I think Winters makes a good, albeit gramatically incorrect, point.

Your the best, Winters.

11:46 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

My feelings exactly! I have grown up watching Today and have always enjoyed it, until now. It is all just a bunch of fluff. There are very few interesting, hard hitting news stories or features. I guess the network is providing the public with what they want and demand, mindless blabber. I listen to NPR now.

12:00 PM  
Anonymous oktiger said...

what is this new missy? is this a joke about terry schiavo? i cannot tell.

12:42 PM  
Blogger Worker #3116 said...

There is some mild treatment of the contentious and morally ambiguous "right to die" question in her new video.

When she kills someone in the hospital.

1:06 PM  
Anonymous Dtinx said...

Couldn't have said it better myself. Unfortunately that is the kind of drool that has become the norm in our media, satisfying the masses but relagating us to mediums such as this. Anyway keep up the irritated insights and commentary. Pretty funny

2:52 PM  

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