Monday, October 10, 2005

Worker #3116 Vs. Alien Vs. Predator

Here's what I wanted to ask you:

In AVP: Alien Vs. Predator, after the Predator falls in love with the black lady, he scars her face with an Alien's-blood-tipped predatornail. He gives her the exact same scar on her cheek that he has on his forehead (received during a fight with Alien) as a sign of true love, like commitment rings or something. But how does the Predator know what the scar on his forehead looks like? As far as I could tell, there were no mirrors in the ancient Antarctic Aztec pyramid that is a training ground for teenage Predators.

And I have a follow-up:

When the teenage Predator wants to scar his middle-aged human girlfriend's face with acid, all he does is hold his finger up and she nods. How does she understand what he wants to do? Is she a linguistic anthropologist? There was no indication prior to this moment that she was a linguistic anthropologist.

And I have a follow-up:

Even if she were a linguistic anthropologist? And are they that blindly trusting of horifically violent alien races of rastafarians?

And I have a follow-up:

When the Predators' Council of Elders comes to retrieve the dead body of the black lady's teenage Predator boyfriend, and they leave her all alone in the middle of Antarctica with nothing on except a burnt-orange summer-weight J. Crew sweater, how long before she dies? 27 seconds?

And I have a follow-up:

24 seconds?

And I have a follow-up:

Is the teenage Predator a virgin? Or has he totally done it with a bunch of different Predators, a bunch of different times?


Blogger Andrew said...

I can't believe I even have to do this: He knows what the scar is because he drew it on himself earlier in the movie with alien crab leg after he killed the first one of those things. That's why he took his mask off and that's why he got an alien uterus stuck to his face and that's why there's an alien baby in his tummy.

12:47 AM  
Blogger Worker #3116 said...

Oh, yeah.

I wasn't really paying attention until it became a romantic comedy, so I missed some of the dramatic exposition. Although I stand by my assertion that there were no mirrors.

And I have a follow-up:

Big Alien lays an egg which then hatches into an Alien uterus, which then attaches itself to a human or Predator face, which then lays an egg inside their stomach, which then turns into an Alien? There are two egg-stages in Alien birth?

I bet Alien is very tired of hearing "which came first, the chicken or the egg or the other egg?" jokes.

7:10 AM  
Blogger Andrew said...

I'll do you one better on the follow up:

More likely to score with a black lady at the end of a movie: Predator or Jet Li?

11:10 AM  
Blogger Worker #3116 said...

Trick question!

11:43 AM  

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