Monday, November 21, 2005

Between These Hazel Thighs

Probably better off just skipping this, but I'm going to go over some weekend stuff and get it out of the system while we're just standing here at the e-water cooler and then we can get back to regular business.

Friday: Went to this party in what was basically a walk-in closet full of unwashed clothes and a noise band. After the noise band there was this guy who was actually kind of interesting, musically, in that he had these sampling pedals and would lay down a vocal beat, loop it, and then another, looped, and then "sing" over it. The problem, of course, was that the guy was in his early 30s, called himself YumYum, and was wearing a cream colored tuxedo and a ruffled tuxedo shirt and acting like a FUCKING RETARD. Literally. He also kept covering himself up in this piss-stained sheet and calling that "the back-stage" but it was just the same idiot, crouching in a tiny, tiny living room, while a bunch of people stood around, drunk, going "this guy is out there!" Fuck that. Do you want to know what I hate worse than poor people? Artists. You want to know what else sucked? I saw a girl that I was like "she's kind of cute," and she had fucking braces. So a) I'm a pedophile now, and b) If I don't get out of here soon I'm going to kill myself to cure the beasties in my brain. After all of this "art" they put the microphone up to the speaker of an ABC Warehouse boombox and played dance cassettes. This was good enough but eventually it's just time to go home, and no amount of M.I.A./Ramones mash-ups are going to change that. The one small victory of the night: pissing on this house. Twice.

Saturday: I don't know. We went to the bar? There was this huge black guy wearing a shirt that said "Our Johnson. Your Busch." And then some sexual innuendo. He was headbanging very hard to "Give It Away" by the RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS. Actually, I think Stevil said it best when he said "I can't look anywhere without it seeming like I'm staring at someone, so I'm just going to look at the wall." My mouth was like this "O" the whole time. They should rename that bar "Human Garbage Bar."

Sunday: Sunday.


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