Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Coming Soon: Heat!

Deadly Effects of Future U.S. Heat Waves Predicted

And now: a scene from my new eco-thriller, HEAT!

INT. OVAL OFFICE - DAY
President Nelly, the First Lady, a Heat Scientist, and the Secretary of Defense sit on a presidential sofa sipping Cristal while images of Mexico engulfed in flames plays on CNN in the background.

HEAT SCIENTIST
It is getting a lot hotter. Almost a hundred degrees more every day. In three more days we will all die. The board of science predicts that the statue of liberty will begin melting on Friday.

FIRST LADY
It's getting hot in here.

SECRETARY OF DEFENSE
Mr. President, we've got to you get you to the secret, heat-proof, underground bunker.

FIRST LADY
I'mma take off all my clothes.


President Nelly sets down his champagne flute. A serious look comes over his face.


PRESIDENT NELLY
I ain't abandon tha American people like that.

SECRETARY OF DEFENSE
This is no joke, Mr. President.


President Nelly stares firmly at the Secretary of Defense before breaking into a gold-capped grin and laughing.


PRESIDENT NELLY
Gotcha, bitch. Let's hit that bunker like a back-shot. They got sandwiches?

SECRETARY OF DEFENSE
They have sandwiches, Mr. President

PRESIDENT NELLY
X-Box?

SECRETARY OF DEFENSE
Ever since you were escored there during the nuclear threat last fall and demanded one, sir, yes.

PRESIDENT NELLY
They got condoms?

SECRETARY OF DEFENSE
We can arrange for condoms, sir.

PRESIDENT NELLY
Fuck it, don't need 'em. What if I gotta restart tha Earf's population? I'mma call it Nellyville.

SECRETARY OF DEFENSE
You will call what Nellyville, Mr. President?

PRESIDENT NELLY
Tha Earf.

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