Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Killin' and Chillin'

The hall outside of the neighborbots' apartment was smelling pretty bad on Sunday, but I figured maybe they just had a big trash party this weekend or something, where all their friends come over and rip open juicy trash bags everywhere and piss on the contents. It smelled like diapers. Do they have a child? What are they feeding it? Newspaper circulars? Whatever. Fuck them.

But then yesterday when I came home the front hallway had the same diaper smell. So I don't think it is the neighbors. I think that a diaper crawled into our heating system and died. Also: the back hallway had switched from diaper smell to soaking wet cat urine smell. I have no theories on this. The cat seems to consume a fair amount of orange juice and frozen pizza, though, if the neighbors' recycling is any indication.

It sucks when your house smells bad and you can't do anything about it. Your house is raping your nose is what it is, like that one scene in Jack Frost* when the killer snowman takes his carrot nose off of his face and uses it as a dick to rape that woman to death in the shower. But with smell.

*Not to be confused with Jack Frost, starring Michael Keaton, although this, too, involves a hilarious carrot-rape scene when the father-turned-snowman accidentally thinks his son is his wife in a wacky late-night mix-up.

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