Friday, November 11, 2005

A Little Bit of Shh!

I remember in, like, freshman year of high school how Sasha Sloebbing had this orange and brown and green plaid flannel shirt that, quite literally, looked like vomit, and I asked her why she even wore it, and she said that she was purposefully trying to dress as ugly as possible. SUCCESS! I don't know if this early instinct towards hideousness was what made her shave her head and turn into a dyke and live on a farm with a big dog, but whatever. My point is that I've been well aware for quite a while about the "indie" or "punk" or "dyke" cultures' leanings towards horrendous outward appearance. Ugly chic. That's what all those kids in Williamsburg are doing with their moustaches and bulge-less track-pants. They are trying to gross you out into fucking them, I guess.

But what I really am getting at is Lady Sovereign sex-symbol? DUDES, SHE IS TRASH. Seriously, this is not a game. Yes, she is hyping it to the max, but even without the hype she would still be from the UK equivalent of the Jersey Shore. I'm sure if you called her a chav she would break a bottle over your head, but does that really prove her point, or yours?

And if she is so hot, then where are all the Adriana supporters? I have been to plenty of bars and places where you idiots congregate, and I've yet to hear anyone say, "Bro," (You guys say Bro because you think that it's ironic, but is it even ironic anymore? Does being a PBR shithead make you better than the Natty Lite shitheads you avoided in college?) "Bro, I was watching Sopranos last night. I'd sure like to take Adriana La Cerva to the Wolf Parade show if you know what I mean?"

Of course, by now you realize that I'm just kidding. If given half the chance, I'd buy Lady Sovereign a shot of Jaeger, a pack of Merit 100's, and then disappoint her in bed, if you know what I mean?

Ladies: gold teeth, leopard-print, and STDs are very in for 2006.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Jason Jones said...

Dude, do you know how much she got payed for her record deal? Some people, like me, are so rich that they enjoy dressing bad. Poor people will still sniff around your crotch. They are the trash, not lady s.

11:23 AM  
Anonymous Jason Jones said...

paid, not payed. i know

11:23 AM  
Anonymous trevor said...

is she even 18 yet?

i've said it before and i'll say it again, she's the tiny female brit chav version of method man.

11:50 AM  
Blogger dorothy said...

i saw her by mistake (performing) at a club my friend's friend was dj'ing at in london the other week. it cost like 5 dollars to get in and only 30 people were watching her, max.

1:49 PM  
Blogger Worker #3116 said...

Want to know how I know you made this story up? They don't use "dollars" in London, they use a kind of money called "pounds."

But please, feel free to use my diary as a bullhorn for all of your EXTREME LEFT-WING LIBERAL lies.

2:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you would also say 'yestertime' instead of last week!

4:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it didn't cost 5 pounds to get in the club. it was like 2 pounds. or quid. it was that cheap. and all hype.

4:51 PM  

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