Monday, November 21, 2005

Newlyweds: Brad & Angelina: Season One

[A typical morning in the Brangelina household.]

Angelina: What do you mean we're out of Kiehl's Natural Shine?
Brad: I mean we used it all.
Angelina: You mean you used it all.
Brad: Look at this!
Angelina: What? What am I looking at?
Brad: This hair? This shine? You think this shit is natural? I work on this. This is my passion. And architecture. My passion is my hair and my architecture.
Angelina: That is so powerful. Brad, honey, have you seen those adoption papers?
Brad: ...
Angelina: Brad?
Brad: ...
Angelina: BRAD! What did you do with the adoption papers?
Brad: I might have used them.
Angelina: Please tell me you used them to adopt our Uruguayan princess.
Brad: Sure, if by "to adopot our Uruguayan princess" you mean "to roll a massive blunt." Where are you going?
Angelina: To my mother's. This is the last straw.
Brad: Baby, look at this shine!
Angelina: ...
Brad: Baby, this shine is for you.
Angelina: Tell me I'm thinner than Jen, and that this means I get to adopt that entire orphanage in Ulan Bator that we visited and I will stay.
Brad: Baby, we can adopt whatever you want.
Angelina: And?
Brad: Baby, Jen is like...crazy-sick thin. That's why I left.
Angelina: Fuck this. I'mma cut you with one of my knives from my knives collection.
Brad: Cool. I love make-up sex.

[Next week: the third world runs out of children to the voracious growth of the Jolie family empire.]

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