Wednesday, November 09, 2005

WAKE IT UP.

I look at the mainstream LIBERAL media on a pretty regular basis, but they have skewed so far LEFT of the American PEOPLE that they're too busy to pick up on stories that really matter. For instance, last week it was all Judge Samuel Alito this, "black sites" secret CIA torture world that, but I had to go to the grocery store and stand in the check out line to read the following headline:

Yanni: Is He Dying?
He's Only 51 Years Old!!


HELLO, NEW YORK TIMES, THIS IS A WAKE-UP CALL!

Segue.

HELLO, RAPS, THIS IS A WAKE-UP CALL!

I like it in the beginning of hip hop songs when someone says "I don't think they ready for this." Really? You know, it's just a song...and it's probably about rape, just like all the other songs, so...I mean, I think I'm ready. Unless the song is going to, I don't know, come out of my stereo and cook me a meal, and even that would be kind of nice because it would let me get some work done...But basically, I've been ready for every single song I've heard, especially if it was Top 40 hip-hop. For those I have been what Lacan called "supaready".

Segue.

HELLO, SOAP, THIS IS A WAKE-UP CALL!

And also: you know Dr. Bronner's? The soap that is also reading material and a delicious beverage? I bought some in bar form, and on the bar it says "Dr. Bronner's Magical Soap." Not only does it make your balls tingle, but now I have one human leg, and one dolphin leg.

11 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

your surveys are sometimes disquieting.

9:42 AM  
Blogger Worker #3116 said...

surveys?
what are you, British?

9:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

British?

What are you, drivewayless?

10:17 AM  
Blogger Worker #3116 said...

a) Thank you for your concern, but my driveway is BACK and BETTER THAN EVER.

b) You are still confusing me with this survey business. Was I asking a question?

10:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What was wrong with your old driveway and what went into your new one? I'd be concerned if I were you.

As for your survey confusion, you might see about purchasing a thesaurus.

10:53 AM  
Blogger Worker #3116 said...

What do you think this is, Tony Blair, A GAME?

10:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes. Yes I do.

11:05 AM  
Blogger CosmicMojo said...

Bronner's is creepy 'cause he claims it works as birth control as well as being an excellent cleasner (don't ask me how, where, who). That's a little too freaky for me.

1:03 PM  
Blogger Worker #3116 said...

I'm pretty sure you're thinking of the Dr. Bronner's Mint-Scented Magic Coat-Hanger.

1:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ew.

1:52 PM  
Blogger CosmicMojo said...

frankly, that isn't much worse than the idea of douching the stuff?

3:26 PM  

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