Thursday, December 29, 2005

Brush With Death

What I like about getting my teeth cleaned:

Clean teeth.

What I don't like about getting my teeth cleaned:

Talking about Santa Claus or hearing other people talking about Santa Claus.

When two idle dental hygienists were having a conversation about funny reactions that kids have to Santa Claus, how wonderful it is when kids believe in Santa Claus, and how to convince kids to keep believing in Santa Claus when they actually show a sign of intelligent life and deny his existence, my dental hygienist, who was not idle, could not help but stop doing her job every five seconds to join in. Then she tried to get me involved. "Do you remember when you stopped believing in Santa Claus? It must have occured to me gradually, because I don't remember being shocked or anything." The more boring the conversation, the more excited my hygienist was to participate. At one point, after they had moved from Santa to grocery stores to I do not know what, my hygienist dropped her tools and yelled out "Oh, I thought maybe you had watched something sad on T.V." I'll give them something sad to watch on T.V., but you won't be around to see it. Now pay attention to my teeth!

Then it was polish time. "What flavor do you want? We have mint, cinnamon, orange, bubble gum, tuna salad sandwich, BLT, raw dirt, seaweed, loneliness, cabbage, carrot, smoothie, superman flavored ice cream, cherry, did I say cinnamon?" Gross! Where did all these flavors of tooth polish come from? I am a grown man for Jesus Christ's sake! I have better things to do with my time and brain power than worry about what flavor of tooth polish to use. Superman Flavored Ice Cream, please!

Anyway, successful trip all around. I will see you again in two years, cavity creeps.

4 Comments:

Anonymous grandma said...

raw dirt, far more refreshing than cooked dirt.

12:10 PM  
Blogger CosmicMojo said...

Funny, you'd think they'd be talking about the Tooth Fairy at the Dentist.

You are a grown up now. Time to go to a dentist with private rooms for each patient instead of that communal layout. That way your hygenist can't talk to the others.

2:23 PM  
Anonymous Ali G said...

doesn't matter how many flavors of toothpolish, they all taste like ass. minty-ass, orange-ass, cinnamon-ass... why do they bother? why not stick with the original ass flavor?

6:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

God made dirt-flavored polish and dirt-flavored polish don't hurt.

6:40 PM  

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