Friday, December 16, 2005

The McCullen:
40 oz Camo Malt Liquor
(1) Memory Bead (optional)
Serve Cold for the First Ten Minutes, Then Progressively Warmer Until Gross

CHICAGO (AFP) - A jeweler turned drink designer has made a splash in the Chicago bar scene with a new cocktail that costs a whopping 950 dollars.

The Ruby Red is a tangy mix of vodka, champagne, cognac, pomegranate liqueur and orange juice.

And it comes complete with a one-carat, grade-A ruby.

"We kind of were playing with an idea that someone could come in and have something to celebrate and remember the night by," said Pete Gugni, a manager at the trendy Reserve club in downtown Chicago.

Gugni said the club wanted to come up with something more memorable than opening a bottle of champagne.

"That's where the stone comes in - at the end of the night they can take it home."

a) Lame. For 950 dollars I expect to be so drunk that when I wake up not only do I have a ruby to remind me of what happened, I've also been transported to Dimension X and put in charge of the Terrordrome.
b) The whole "philosophy" behind this drink reminds me of when I used to hang out downtown with McCullen. He would always want to go into this bead store and buy "memory beads." These he would keep...I don't the pile of dirty laundry on his floor? remember and cherish the day by. Not only was this super gay, but it was always on days where we had nothing to do and we were just walking around downtown. It was never, like, on Halloween, or after we got in a fight with a drunk guy. No one was running to Bead Store then. It's just for remembering the boring days. And they were always the cheapest five cent beads. He never bought one of the fancy burnt glass beads from India. I guess he's waiting for something really special to happen downtown during business hours just when he's passing Bead Store and thinks of it to commemorate with one of those gems.
c) It's funny how both Ruby Red drinkers and McCullen use symbolic tokens to cherish memories and alcoholic beverages to erase them.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Because of its subject matter, I am able to carbon-date this story to the late '90s, when bead stores (and memories) were all the rage.

'Member how I tried -- and failed -- to correctly carbon-date "Frog-G-G" to the early '90s last night based on the phones?

God, I'm scared about Y2K.


3:07 PM  
Anonymous Ali G said...

it'd be funnier if someone choked on the ruby, got sent to the ER AND had the gem to remember it by. like when stupid people drop the engagement ring in the champagne or put it in the dessert.

2:55 PM  
Anonymous mccullen said...

goddamnit sometimes it is so easy to hate you. EACH MEMORY BEAD I HAVE IS A SPECIAL, BEAUTIFUL BEAD, LIKE A SNOWFLAKE OF CLOUDY GLASS, AND EACH ONE HAS, INEXTRICABLY LINKED TO IT, A SPECIAL AND UNIQUE MEMORY. and if you don't stop trashing my beadz i'm going to have to go get you one tomorrow as you will always have a small token of the time i beat your ass.

9:11 PM  

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