Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Mystery Juice

SEAN Lennon is determined to kick off the New Year with a new girlfriend - and he's asking PAGE SIX to help him find one. "Any girl who is interested must simply be born female and between the ages of 18 and 45," John Lennon's singer/songwriter son, 30, told us. "They must have an IQ above 130 and they must be honest. They must not have any clinical, psychological disorders . . . and a kind heart. Clearly beautiful - but beauty on the inside is more important - but no deformities, third legs, fifth nipples . . . I'm completely alone and I'm completely miserable. So please send your request to [PAGE SIX]." Ladies, we await your responses.
(New York Post)

I had always kind of assumed that his ponytail and lack of personal style—not to mention his solo album: LOOK OUT JAMES IHA!—were the indicators of Sean Lennon's lack of class. But surprise! He's trawling for dates on Page Six, cashing in BIG on his footnote trivia-game-answer celebrity status. "Which of John Lennon's sons was trawling for dates on Page Six?" No, not Julien! I'm sure Yuka must be very proud to count Sean as one of her former paramours. She knows her chicken! Anyway, gross, Sean Lennon. Gross. There is no stinkier perfume than publicly declared desperation published in the yellow press. I am also kind of disturbed by the 18 to 45-year-old age bracket. "You must be old enough to vote, but not necessarily old enough to drink. But pre-menopausal is fine, too. I will fuck your vagina whether it is kind of new or kind of old. I'm not being picky here, okay, but if I find out you lied and you are 46 years old I am going to write an unflattering song about you and play it unannounced at an East Village location. I am so sad. I hope the world reads about my sadness. I suck. I am pathetic. I am a pathetic suck."


Anonymous Clown Coffee said...

are you sure Page Six didn't just pick up his ad from Craig's List?

11:42 AM  

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