Thursday, December 22, 2005

The War on Christmas: Operation Fuck You Worker #3116

So I got to work today and what was sitting on my keyboard? A Christmas present from my boss? WOW!

A FIVE DOLLAR GIFT CARD TO STARBUCKS!

Look, I love my boss, okay, but what is this? Homeless people give each other better presents. Yesterday I saw a pair of running shoes in the garbage can in the locker room at my gym, and I was trying to figure out what would have to happen for me to refuse to even carry my running shoes home and throw them out there, or give them to charity, and I decided that if I had diarrhea in my shoes then I would just throw them away at the gym. Like, if you took off your shoes but then you realized you totally were going to have diarrhea that second and couldn't make it to the toilet so you just had it in your shoes. But actually if you took those shoes and washed the diarrhea off they would be more valuable than this "gift."

Worker #3116: Thanks, boss.
Boss: You're welcome. Get yourself a little coffee.
Worker #3116: Oh, I'm going to get a big one!
Boss: Right. A venti at least...

I highlight this conversation because it points out my boss's tacit understanding that, yes, she was giving me a large cup of coffee as a Christmas present. And a chocolate covered pretzel. You know, to represent the true dildo-y spirit of office Christmas.

2 Comments:

Anonymous song said...

For Christmas my mother sent me a Jazzercize logo-ed compact that she got as a free gift for going to 36 Jazzercize classes.

11:08 PM  
Anonymous Ali G said...

at least your boss admitted starbucks coffee costs $5 and sprung for the whole shebang. i was all excited one year when i got a $100 gift certificate to saks... till i realized it would still cost me another $20 bucks to buy, like, socks.

but those were some damn stylin' socks...

12:55 AM  

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