Thursday, December 22, 2005

Where Does He Get Such Wonderful Deltoids?

There is an article in today's New York Times about an intensive work-out program, CrossFit, that has a lot of doctors worried over its high potential for killing you. Needless to say, I find this work-out very appealing, and I have already visited the website to learn more. Seriously, here are just a few quotations that should make it obvious why this is something that I will be doing in 2006:

"I see pushing my body to the point where the muscles destroy themselves as a huge benefit of CrossFit."

"It can kill you. I've always been completely honest about that."

"If you find the notion of falling off the rings and breaking your neck so foreign to you, then we don't want you in our ranks."

The article points out that this workout program is particularly popular among ex-marines, former SWAT members, and cetra, but here is where I get stuck:

The emphasis is on speed and weight hoisted, not technique. And the importance placed on quantifiable results has attracted hard-charging people like hedge fund managers, former Olympians and scientists.

I'm only going to begrudgingly give you hedge fund managers. Those are mostly just assholes whose lack of ambition has pushed them into a highly lucrative but ultimately soul-killing line of work. They're not hard-driving so much as just driving for lack of a better idea. They live in Jersey, and they have nice cars and homes, but mostly their time is spent remembering the awesome threesomes they used to have in their frat house. But mindless drones can work very hard towards something like physical fitness because a) what else are they going to do with all that time before they die, and b) me look like magazine!

Former Olympians. Check.

Um...SCIENTISTS?

The thought of strong nerds is very funny. Basically I just imagine The Riddler doing 15 sets of 10 dead lifts and then going home to concoct an elaborate revenge against the guy who pantsed him in front of the whole school during his junior high production of Guys and Dolls.

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